| Friday, February 4th, 2005 |
| 9:46 am |
false advertising!
They have these new 'snapshot' cakes at Baskin Robins. You can submit a photograph and their super-duper digital frosting machine will make an edible replication on the top of any ice-cream cake! That blows my mind. But they weren't very happy with me. Come on! Who wouldn't want to eat a gaping twat with a fork? Current Mood:  hungry |
| Thursday, January 6th, 2005 |
| 10:17 pm |
Well, my latest scheme in my never-ending quest to be important failed. Do you know semen dries out and almost disappears into all but a thin slick film when you leave it in a jar for too long? Current Mood:  BUMMED OUT |
| Thursday, December 9th, 2004 |
| 12:57 am |
being benevolent again
Can pubic lice be used medicinally to treat any serious illnesses? Damn it I want to be important. |
| Tuesday, December 7th, 2004 |
| 11:54 am |
faux-pas
Boy is my face creamy-purple! I was visiting the hospital the other day for my yearly physical, and my doctor handed me a glass and asked me to 'give a sample' in the bathroom. I wasn't sure if he meant blood, urine, or semen - so I thought I'd be helpful and give all three! He did not look too happy... |
| Friday, December 3rd, 2004 |
| 1:30 pm |
new inventions
Somebody needs to make FRUIT POOP GUM. You chew a pack, and it makes your shit smell fruity and pastel. Just imagine a pleasantly fragrant and cornflower blue colored swirling mound of human dung in your toilet bowl. Who needs Glade plug-ins now bitch? |
| Friday, June 25th, 2004 |
| 1:10 am |
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| Wednesday, June 16th, 2004 |
| 12:08 am |
"Only the youngest of maids will cure the AIDS..." |
| Friday, May 28th, 2004 |
| 11:55 pm |
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| Friday, May 21st, 2004 |
| 3:57 am |
sucking on a greasy coin
I was having sex with my girlfriend the other day, and she was on her period, but I didn't mind. I just pretended that I was killing her. |
| Wednesday, January 7th, 2004 |
| 3:58 pm |
memories of days long passed
Remember that commercial with the two people at a loud party admiring a platter of cheese and eventually they have to text message each other via cellphone because they can't hear themselves talk? Yeah. I liked that commercial. But was that a commercial for cellphones or for cheese? I can't remember. I'll go out and buy a pound of cheese and a cellphone just to be safe. Current Mood:  thoughtful |
| Thursday, October 9th, 2003 |
| 9:08 pm |
conversational piece
IOFTHETIGER: drinking? IOFTHETIGER: =((( RoyalFlush: is that ur biggest fear in life? IOFTHETIGER: I'll meet you at bob's big boy in half an hour RoyalFlush: no RoyalFlush: for me to go drinking wihtout u? IOFTHETIGER: my biggest fear in life is probably not publishing a novel RoyalFlush: lol RoyalFlush: i love being up there on ur priority list IOFTHETIGER: you are up there IOFTHETIGER: top 10 at least! RoyalFlush: good IOFTHETIGER: ;-) RoyalFlush: good RoyalFlush: glad IOFTHETIGER: right after #7 IOFTHETIGER: Fear of Not Eating Enough Bacon RoyalFlush: i made my bf's top 10 list |
| Wednesday, March 19th, 2003 |
| 1:19 am |
wax on
KitKatbar: i just want u to study IOFTHETIGER: it's too late to study IOFTHETIGER: at least tonight IOFTHETIGER: I'll have to continue in yonder morrow IOFTHETIGER: as the day breaks like an egg over the fluffy horizon KitKatbar: ic KitKatbar: ic IOFTHETIGER: filling my nostrils with that golden yolk of sunshine IOFTHETIGER: scrambling my priorities as a I realize... I slept in KitKatbar: okai Current Mood:  thankful |
| Friday, February 14th, 2003 |
| 2:25 am |
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| Saturday, January 4th, 2003 |
| 4:56 pm |
Pac Man... what a fag.
Think about it. What a gay-ass name is that? Pac Man!? He really likes to pack it in. Huh. And Mrs. Pac Man? If it was a woman, it would be called "Pac Woman." Mrs. Pac Man hints that Pac Man's significant other is really just a man in drag! A man who likes to "pac." Disgusting. |
| Tuesday, October 15th, 2002 |
| 1:59 pm |
New Contest!!
I thought up a new contest for homos. Basically, have a table full of fabulous prizes, and you can keep whatever you can shove up your gay homo ass! If you want more than one, you have to fit them all in! |
| Monday, October 14th, 2002 |
| 5:52 pm |
Honest to goodness!
I am all for using honest language to describe everyday things, this will allow us to grow up with a solid sense of reason, truth, and to be more secure with the definitions that society flings about so haphazardly. Words like "radio" and "submarines" are misleading, and call for a revamp of the way we label things! Some examples are: - fecal wipes - crap yourself cushions - cunt blood plugs - cumm bagette - sodomy-ease jelly - shock-before-you-rape emitters - ugly people spray-away - shit buckets - A/C = Aereola Come-out! - fuck me shoes - herpe relief cream - fetus compactor - I'll-do-anything-for-love daily pills - hide your faggotness motorcycle magazine - pedogyna shoe-cam extraordinare' - bicycler 'package' pants |
| Friday, October 11th, 2002 |
| 12:09 pm |
far side
A fact known almost exclusively to esteemed anthropologists, in some countries it is customary to deficate while giving birth. Current Mood:  flirty |
| Saturday, October 5th, 2002 |
| 10:26 pm |
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| Monday, September 23rd, 2002 |
| 7:48 pm |
meaty
What is the like between the smell of a Vag and Au Juis sauce? Current Mood:  giddy |
| Wednesday, September 18th, 2002 |
| 5:59 pm |
A Slice of Pi (internet verbiage archive)::: On BF's conformation to GF's nutritional wishes for him
KittyKat: kai BLOWZOTHECLOWN: promise? BLOWZOTHECLOWN: I'll aim for 10 BLOWZOTHECLOWN: wake up at 9 BLOWZOTHECLOWN: I'll just roll out of bed KittyKat: k BLOWZOTHECLOWN: jump in the shower BLOWZOTHECLOWN: and speed away in my car BLOWZOTHECLOWN: oh yeah BLOWZOTHECLOWN: and to make you happy BLOWZOTHECLOWN: eat a bagel KittyKat: hehehe BLOWZOTHECLOWN: with vitamin a-b-c-d-e-f-g cream cheese BLOWZOTHECLOWN: with fiber, iron, pottasium and calcium BLOWZOTHECLOWN: and lsd BLOWZOTHECLOWN: and chromium for weight mantinence BLOWZOTHECLOWN: and protein BLOWZOTHECLOWN: for a balanced diet KittyKat: lsd???????? BLOWZOTHECLOWN: OOPS BLOWZOTHECLOWN: how did that slip in there? BLOWZOTHECLOWN: I must be REALLY trippin' BLOWZOTHECLOWN: the colors BLOWZOTHECLOWN: the textuers BLOWZOTHECLOWN: the flaaaaaavors |
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sociopath's journal